The Annual Company Gala Christmas Party!

Christmas Party

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23
rd, starting at noon in the private function
room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols.... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised
if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can
be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving
of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,



Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

However, from now on, we're calling it our " Holiday Party.." The
same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,




FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3, 2009


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your

I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
handle this?


And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.





FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps
the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or
else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.
Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that
no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in
the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food .
The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?



Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: December 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party
at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll
get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!



Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 11, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her
at the asylum.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23
rd off with full

Happy Whatever!


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  • Scars Remain (aka Vicki) 2009/12/21 14:20:52
    Scars Remain (aka Vicki)
    I am going to copy this and send it to my friend's list, this is too funny not to pass around. The funny thing about it? It is sooo very true! This is what we, as a society, has become; easily offended and petty.

  • maker 2009/12/16 01:13:47
    First Point We the members of the Tribe(Jewish) Love CHRISTMAS for the spirt it brings to all. The goodness for the needy, cloths to cover the cold and weary, food and drink to warm the heart and souls. Toys for those in need. The most of all it shows and offers the vaules of those us. Who respect our faiths and place us trust in G-D. That there will be a better day tomorrow.
    Hey I can't answer for anyone else SEE YA!!!
  • Zozo 2009/12/15 01:00:20
  • Bye! Zozo 2009/12/15 22:52:02
    LMAO! Nice! LOL
  • Bye! Zozo 2009/12/15 22:58:47
    LMAO! Nice! LOL
  • oldcavpilot 2009/12/13 16:28:24
    A real Hoot. Thanks.
  • Bye! oldcavp... 2009/12/15 22:52:23
    My pleasure friend!
  • Nick~believe ^MOTOOP^ 2009/12/12 23:02:06
  • Bye! Nick~be... 2009/12/15 22:52:34
    LOL Like the avatar! Great!
  • Nick~be... Bye! 2009/12/15 22:55:18
    Nick~believe ^MOTOOP^
    Thank you. My avi has all sorts of costumes.
  • Shesshoumaru 2009/12/12 21:24:05
    LMAO That's great.
  • Bye! Shessho... 2009/12/15 22:52:55
    Glad you liked it! LOL
  • wow-really 2009/12/12 18:21:12
    Hold on...
    catching my breathe..
    laughed too hard..
    hurt myself alittle........
    ok, i'm back ,Whew! that was funny cuz it's so freakin true!
    Political correctness at it's finest! LOL!
    Something as simple and nice as a Christmas party for all, can turn ugly in a heart beat thanks to people's "What-about-me-mentality."
    Why can't we all just come together for one day and enjoy each others company without being "politcally correct"???
    Even Ebenezer Scrooge and the Grinch came around for crying out loud! REmeber Home Alone? when the guy on tv says,"Merry Christmas you filthy animals"!!!
    loud remeber home guy tv saysmerry christmas filthy animals lol
  • Bye! wow-really 2009/12/15 22:53:07
    LMAO! Cute!
  • BlytheSpirit~bn0 2009/12/12 18:18:42
    And that's why I got out of Human Resources after 12 years. LOL Very funny.
    human resources 12 years lol funny
  • Bye! BlytheS... 2009/12/15 22:54:34
    LOLOL But the queation is, why did you get into it in the first place??? LOLOL
  • BlytheS... Bye! 2009/12/15 22:56:16
    Youth and stupidity!!!
  • Davidaaf 2009/12/12 17:08:04 (edited)
    Very funny!! It just goes to show you that being politically correct can be a pain in the ass!!lol

    BTW, I've heard people complain about getting 1/2 day off..."how do they expect us to get our work done in 1/2 a day?" LOL
  • Bye! Davidaaf 2009/12/15 22:55:01
    Amen! Can't satify everyone! LOL Or anyone! LOL
  • Bronti 2009/12/12 16:39:29
    To be honest, I would rather have half day off with pay, especially on the 23rd!

    I have attended many company christmas parties in my time, and unless you are the big winner in the raffle, they are pretty boring.

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2008/02/20 03:54:38

Ugly IS as ugly DOES!!!

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